Never a Dull Alpaca Moment

Deciding to become an owner of any animal is not something you should take lightly. Hi, my name is Molly and I am an alpaca owner. I ended up with my alpaca boys due to a severe allergy to lanolin.

I take solace in knowing my breeder is only a phone call away should I have questions or concerns. This should be the situation regardless of the animal you decide to purchase. I would like to share a story about alpaca ownership. It is never a dull moment, especially with my husband’s help.

The Thing About Male Alpacas

We started with two alpacas. During shearing, year before last at the breeder, I fell in love with a third. My pasture is now complete. All three of mine are boys as I am in NO way set up for breeding or anything that goes with the breeding of the animal.

As with any male species, when there are more than one, there can be altercations for dominance (or the best grain bucket, he looked at me wrong, he’s standing too close). The thing about alpacas is, they have fighting teeth. The sole purpose is to bite the testicles off of your opponent, thus taking him out of the gene pool.

Gelding Male Alpacas

As my boys started to reach sexual maturity, their ball biting dance was becoming all too frequent. My biggest fear was, I would come home from work one day and one of my boys would have bled out due to a fatal tear on a testes. I called my breeder and had the discussion. I am not planning on breeding, they are there for fiber production, do you think I should castrate them? After some soul searching and one more trip running across the pasture with a rake in my hand to break up a fight, the decision was made to geld my boys.

The Day Was Upon Us

The faithful day was upon us to take them out of the gene pool. I had to go to work so my wonderful husband was home to assist the Vet. If any of you have ever had the discussion with any man about castration, they take it personally. You would think we were cutting off theirs instead of the animals. My husband is not a squeamish man by any means and was “glad” to assist even if he thought it was cruel. It was that evening my husband shared the events of the day. Let’s put this under the category of, you know you have animals when……

That fateful day hubby was in the barn with the vet. He decided he wanted to watch. Anesthesia was administered to the first alpaca and then it was laid down. Ever curious, my husband watched as the vet made the incision. It was then my husband’s insides clinched and he conveyed to me he couldn’t watch. We were taking that poor alpaca’s manhood (insert eye roll here).

He had to step out of the barn. Our vet worked quickly and was onto the second alpaca. Being a thoughtful and courteous vet, he was carefully placing the removed testes in a plastic bag for proper disposal.

Alpacas and Chickens

Here is where, you just can’t make this stuff up.

Husband: “I was standing outside the barn, waiting for the vet to complete the last one… when one of the chickens came running out of the barn.”
Me: “So?”

Husband, with a look of complete and absolute terror on his face: “It had one of the testicles in its beak!”
Me, with a confused look on my face: “So?”

Husband, looking even more terrified and offended “That’s not right!” he stated with such conviction and passion you would have thought the nut was a life form in of itself.
Me, thinking to myself, “oh boy, what did you do???”

Audibly, “Ok, um, so, what did you do?”
Husband, looking at me as though I was the one who had grown two heads: “I chased the chicken!”
Me: “Why?”

“IT HAS A TESTICLE IN ITS BEAK!!” That’s just not right!!”

Husband now is staring at me in complete disbelief, how could I not understand : “IT HAS A TESTICLE IN ITS BEAK!!” That’s just not right!!”
Me, trying desperately not to laugh: “Ok? Did you get it back?”

Husband with a triumphant look “Yes! I had to chase the stupid thing halfway across the pasture before I got it to drop it.”
“Then what did you do with it?” Let’s face it, at this point inquiring minds want to know.

He had worked hard to get this “ball” back. The look on his face; he was so proud of himself “I threw it in the woods”
I did not miss a beat, “So some other animal can eat it???”

Crossing the Alpaca Line

He stopped dead in his tracks and gave the quelling look husbands do when you have crossed over “that” line.
“Yes! It is just WRONG for a chicken to eat that! I couldn’t let it happen, I didn’t want to see that. It’s just not right.”

“So let me get this straight. You chased the chicken across the pasture to retrieve the rocky mountain oyster, just to chuck it into the woods, so some other creature could eat it?”
“Yes.”
“Please tell me you are kidding? Did the vet see this?”
“No! I am not kidding. Yes, the vet saw!”

With this he turned and walked out of the room, ending the discussions. Me, now I am wiping the tears from my eyes from laughing so hard. He will NEVER live this one down.

You just can’t make this stuff up…